Men And Women In Conversation With Drinks

Stop trying to be interesting

Instead, be interested

Written by Dr. Shaun Ridley FAIM
2 minute read
Men And Women In Conversation With Drinks

Nervous, uncertain networkers can often be heard to say, “I can’t network because I’m not very interesting so no one will want to talk to me”.

It comes from the assumption that, in order to successfully engage at a networking event, we need to be witty, impressively articulate, able to tell a good story or be the life of the party.

In reality, the reverse is more often the case. People who fit this description can be seen as self-absorbed, domineering or just plain insufferable.

Instead of trying so hard to be interesting, a better tactic may simply be to work hard at being interested. People who listen skilfully, ask relevant questions, probe the statements of the other person and show empathy are typically wonderful networkers.

Other people enjoy their company, they share more of themselves and more about their organisational issues and opportunities.

This is not to suggest you only have a one-way conversation with all the new content coming from the other person. This is too lopsided and may be treated with some suspicion. However, if you demonstrate a genuine interest in the other person, they will feel freer to speak for longer and more openly.

Imagine being approached by someone who maintains good eye contact, asks you about the challenges you are facing at work, demonstrates they are listening closely by paraphrasing and leading on to another question.

This is someone you could enjoy spending time with and would certainly be open to working with again in the future.

The skill of showing empathy during these short conversations can best be demonstrated by the way you summarise and paraphrase what the other person has said. Accurately paraphrasing the content demonstrates you were listening.

Accurately identifying the emotion behind what someone has said demonstrates you are in tune with how the person was feeling. For example, the conversation may have been exploring the person’s difficult day with constant disruptions that interrupted their flow in writing a major tender document.

Your response could be “That must have been frustrating especially when you needed to focus closely on the details of those tender documents”.

One more small step in the next 24 hours

The mindset of being interested rather than interesting can be practised every day.

Simply connecting with someone else about their plans for the weekend can allow you to show genuine interest in what they have in store and how their weekend will unfold.

By resisting the temptation to jump in and tell them all about your plans, at least initially, you’ll add to the relationship with this other person rather than make it worse.

Ask yourself

What impact could this action have on your leadership success?

How likely is it you could implement this action successfully?